Riffed Pants! Script
(The episode begins at an outdoor shot of Riff's bungalow, which fades into his bedroom as Red Rock Rag plays.) Riff: (checking watch) Oh-oh-10 mo' minutes 'til it's time fo' Jazz Academy! (he changes in a rush) (At Jazz Academy, the bell rings.) RIff: (to himself) Keep your cool, Riff... (Kids' Chorus Members, except Riff all laugh) Sophia: Ha ha. I see you're wearing the wrong pants today. (Riff screams) Riff: No! Not ma pee-jay pants! Susan: Relax, Riff. Things coulda been much worse. Riff: How? Susan: I remembuh da one time I wore ma pee-jays to dis academy. I totally humiliated maself in front of everyone! Riff: Yeah! Arryone was pointin' and laughin' - and it jis' got even LOUDUH when dey fell down and we could see your Funky Females undies! Susan: Don't ya dare mention DAT again! (Face turns red) Riff: Whoops, sorry. Didja apologize? Susan: Yeah. I'll nevuh do it again. (We transition to the next scene. Riff and Matthew are walking in the hall while the Bastiens' Hangin' Out at the Mall plays) Riff: So, Matthew, I was thinkin' about... (gets pants caught on a classroom's doorknob) Matthew: Uh, Riff? What? Riff: Ma pants. (walks to the left while shouting with hands cupped around mouth) Delivery! Did j'order 20 cases of-(sound of pants ripping)-riffed pants? (The Kids' Chorus points and laughs, Riff screams louder than usual) Sophia and Christina: This calls for a song! (Riffed Pants) Sophia: That logo on your underwear looks awfully familiar. Where do I know it from? (Giggles) Oh, right! Hey Riff! Isn't that the Captain Swinger logo? Riff: Uh...yeah. Matthew: Wow, Riff! You still wear Captain Swinger underwear? I was thinking you outgrew those years ago! (Kids' Chorus cracks up) Riff: Whoa. Dat was humiliating. I don't wanna have anoduh screw-up today! Christina: Like what? Riff: Well, what if ma pants fell down like Susan's dat one time? (pauses to think for a moment) Riiiight. Oh, ho! Susan: Dat's NOT funny! (Runs away and cries) (Episode cuts to the recess field, where Susan with a whoopee cushion walks up to her pretend "stage" and stands behind Riff, preparing for a comedy sketch) Christina: (comes up on imaginary "stage") Mind if I pull your finger? Riff: Uh, no. (Christina pulls Riff's finger. He bends over.) Susan: (squeezes the whoopee cushion) (Kids' Chorus laughs hysterically, we zoom in on Ethan laughing wholeheartedly) Susan: (laughs exact same laugh from Eliza's Wild Animal Challenge from Nicktoons Nick Tunes) (Calling out behind Riff) HEY!! WHO FARTED?! Matthew: Riff... Rose: Come on, we all know it was you! (Riff's face turns BRIGHT red and he screams at the top of his lungs while a dramatic cartoon sounder plays) Riff: GUYS! GUYS!!! DAT WAS ME! I KNOW I FARTED! Matt and Rose: We know! Right? (The next day at Jazz Academy...) Riff: I'm really sorry for ma silly mistake. All except Riff: (tenderly) We forgive you. And that's okay. Riff: Awwwww! Thanks guys! But I promise nevuh to make dat silly mistake again, and I'll NEVUH, EVUH take off ma khakis! (All except Riff clap and cheer!) Susan: (in a ripped pair of pink pajama pants with white dots with her Funky Females underwear showing) Hey, Riff! Riff: Susan? Are dose pee-jay pants? Matthew: (clad in a ripped pair of car-printed pajama pants with white underwear showing) After seeing you in "riffed pants", now they've taken Jazz Academy by storm! Rose: (wearing ripped peace sign-print pajama pants and showing purple underwear) Why aren't you wearing your riffed pants? Riff: I dought you hated ma riffed pants! Susan: We just tought dey wuh funny at first, and we dought, "Hey, dey're actually kinda cool!" Riff: Dey're not funny, but dey truly are cool! If I have anoduh screwup, I'll cope with it! Matthew: Now everyone's wearing riffed pants! Even Principal Paula Pianissimo! (The principal walks by wearing a ripped pair of flowery pajama pants, showing off her hot pink underwear) Riff: This is insane! (In Riff's room, Riff dials his mother.) Riff: (holding his pants while talking on the phone) Hello! Ma incident is worse! Now everyone's wearing riffed pants! We've got to go to da tailor! Buh-bye. (At the tailor, a tailor silhouette stitches Riff's PJ pants back together.) Riff: Whoop-de-doo! Thanks, mom! (Riff hugs a silhouette of his mom.) (The episode ends with Riff and the Kids Chorus in their ripped PJ pants singing "You won't end up like the boy...who...riffed...his...paaaaaants!" and screaming.) Category:Scripts